TX Bound and Back, Like in a Flash

I decided to get away from NY, you know, like a vacation. The easiest and cheapest place to go happened to be TX. I went to the airport in the hopes of getting into first class but alas, I had to sit middle seat coach. Anyway, before even boarding the plane, I had spoke to my mother and asked whose car would I be driving. She just kept saying "Get here!" I was like:
#1 woman, stop telling me to just "get there"
#2 i just saw you all like a month ago
#3 i was here in December for an entire week. A time in which I did not complain once and even went to Austin
I get on the plane. I land only to discover that my younger sister is picking me up from the airport. So already I am thinking "Holy shit this really fucking sucks ALREADY." And of course the drive was awkward. We barely even spoke and all I could think was how quickly can I get my mom's car so I can head downtown and start drinking with Coco (aka Cesar). I landed at like 6ish at night and finally got to downtown Dallas at like 8p. At this point, I want a bevvie and some Mexican. We went to some Mexican joint where the margaritas were enough to leave a girl wishing someone would "ass-her." Yes, I just made up a phrase - "ass-personal pronoun." Then we go back to Coco's dope ass apartment. We continued to drink and to drink and to drink.
During this time, my mother is giving me shit about coming home. Apparently, she needs to be at work by 6:30a. My dad has to be at work at 5a. Please note that the younger sis has a perfectly good car to use but it isnt good enough for the woman.
Of course, I'm feeling bad and guilty so I leave Coco's place at like 3a or something. I should not have been driving for two reasons:
1. I was drunk. Drunk driving is bad.
2. I didn't and still don't have a TX drivers license or any valid or even expired drivers license from any state.
Whatever.
I hop in the car and inevitably get lost. Because I had put on my glasses but couldnt see so I pulled over to put my contacts back in. Well during this time, I couldnt find my phone. So I am parked in a dark, deserted parking lot dumping the contents of my handbag trying to find my phone. I did this a couple of times until I gave up. I am sitting in the car, buckled up and ready to go when I see flashing cop lights. He comes up to my window and taps on it. He says that he saw me over in this parking lot and wanted to know if I was okay. I tell him that I am but that I cant find my phone. I ask him to call my phone and he does and we find it. YAY!
I'm pointed in the right direction and am driving along when I notice that my interior lights are on. I cannot turn them off. I have no clue how to turn them off. I pull over again into a McDonald's parking lot about 15 minutes from my parent's house. I call my mom and she is irritated (b/c many things it seems irritate her). She doesnt know how to turn them off. I'm pulling out the owner's manual in hopes of something but there is NOTHING. I'm asking her will I be pulled over if I have them on and she says "Yes." Finally, my the grace of HaShem, I get them off. I head towards my parent's house when clearly there is a need for Taco Cabana for cheese enchiladas.
This was night one.
The remaining days go like this:
- I wake up
- I run in the 89 - 96 degree weather
- I sit and answer emails and search for jobs
- I watch CSI Miami
- I complain about not being able to go anywhere
- Parents complain about me not having a license
The biggest divergent was a trip to Six Flags with Coco in the 96 degree weather where I turned a deep honey brown and sweated my tits and balls off.