Monday, June 22, 2009

TX Bound and Back, Like in a Flash

I decided to get away from NY, you know, like a vacation. The easiest and cheapest place to go happened to be TX. I went to the airport in the hopes of getting into first class but alas, I had to sit middle seat coach. Anyway, before even boarding the plane, I had spoke to my mother and asked whose car would I be driving. She just kept saying "Get here!" I was like:
#1 woman, stop telling me to just "get there"
#2 i just saw you all like a month ago
#3 i was here in December for an entire week. A time in which I did not complain once and even went to Austin
I get on the plane. I land only to discover that my younger sister is picking me up from the airport. So already I am thinking "Holy shit this really fucking sucks ALREADY." And of course the drive was awkward. We barely even spoke and all I could think was how quickly can I get my mom's car so I can head downtown and start drinking with Coco (aka Cesar). I landed at like 6ish at night and finally got to downtown Dallas at like 8p. At this point, I want a bevvie and some Mexican. We went to some Mexican joint where the margaritas were enough to leave a girl wishing someone would "ass-her." Yes, I just made up a phrase - "ass-personal pronoun." Then we go back to Coco's dope ass apartment. We continued to drink and to drink and to drink.
During this time, my mother is giving me shit about coming home. Apparently, she needs to be at work by 6:30a. My dad has to be at work at 5a. Please note that the younger sis has a perfectly good car to use but it isnt good enough for the woman.
Of course, I'm feeling bad and guilty so I leave Coco's place at like 3a or something. I should not have been driving for two reasons:
1. I was drunk. Drunk driving is bad.
2. I didn't and still don't have a TX drivers license or any valid or even expired drivers license from any state.
Whatever.
I hop in the car and inevitably get lost. Because I had put on my glasses but couldnt see so I pulled over to put my contacts back in. Well during this time, I couldnt find my phone. So I am parked in a dark, deserted parking lot dumping the contents of my handbag trying to find my phone. I did this a couple of times until I gave up. I am sitting in the car, buckled up and ready to go when I see flashing cop lights. He comes up to my window and taps on it. He says that he saw me over in this parking lot and wanted to know if I was okay. I tell him that I am but that I cant find my phone. I ask him to call my phone and he does and we find it. YAY!
I'm pointed in the right direction and am driving along when I notice that my interior lights are on. I cannot turn them off. I have no clue how to turn them off. I pull over again into a McDonald's parking lot about 15 minutes from my parent's house. I call my mom and she is irritated (b/c many things it seems irritate her). She doesnt know how to turn them off. I'm pulling out the owner's manual in hopes of something but there is NOTHING. I'm asking her will I be pulled over if I have them on and she says "Yes." Finally, my the grace of HaShem, I get them off. I head towards my parent's house when clearly there is a need for Taco Cabana for cheese enchiladas.
This was night one.
The remaining days go like this:
- I wake up
- I run in the 89 - 96 degree weather
- I sit and answer emails and search for jobs
- I watch CSI Miami
- I complain about not being able to go anywhere
- Parents complain about me not having a license
The biggest divergent was a trip to Six Flags with Coco in the 96 degree weather where I turned a deep honey brown and sweated my tits and balls off.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Ten Sexual Stages of a Relationship (Tammy Nelson)

Stage One: Falling in love is easy.
In the early phases of romantic love, everything feels easy. We are excited to see our beloved. We think about them often. We desire them sexually. At some point, this intensity seems to slow down. Maybe it even stops. The relationship moves into a more settled place.

Stage Two: Attachment
And that's fine. As pair-bonding humans, we want to settle into a committed relationship. Both men and women crave the attached feeling of connection that comes from knowing you have found that special someone and you can stop looking. Sex between committed couples becomes a celebration and an appreciation and a continued discovery process.

Then we relax into that cuddly place on the couch.

Stage Three: The "sweatpants" phase.

After the romantic phase has come to a landing, we settle comfortably into that commitment with our partner and we start to be ourselves. Sex is nice, It isn't always hot and passionate every time. Its just, well....nice.

Stage Four: Maintenance Sex.

Now couples have been together for a while. Maybe they even have kids, a mortgage....and sex is reserved for Friday nights, or when the in-laws can baby-sit. Now the sex is not so passionate. The highs are not as high, and the attraction is not quite the same. Does this mean that we are no longer in love? What happened to the fun?

Stage Five: Conflict phase.

When we go into a conflict phase (and we all do), sex can sometimes be used to keep score. For some of us, falling from "in love" to relaxed can feel like the ground rushes up fast, and we slam into the hard cold reality of real relationship. Our partner doesn't always adore us. We don't always feel cherished. Sometimes they annoy us. And sex isn't as spontaneous and passionate as it was during the free fall stage.

Stage Six: Defend and Negotiate

Sometimes we wonder whether we are still "in love" at all. We put up emotional walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. Maybe we put up a wall in the bedroom. There is defensive behavior from both partners at this stage and we may begin to withdraw from each other. We pull back from the relationship, trying to protect ourselves from harm.

Stage Seven: Sleep phase.

We may make a choice here - instead of ending the relationship, we go to "sleep," sinking into the inevitability of unhappiness. We choose to focus on outside interests to keep us feeling energized. We split off our erotic energy outside of the relationship. This could mean an affair, pornography or just shutting it down.

Stage Eight: Waking Up.

The good news is that there is another stage of sexual relationship: the "waking up" stage. Long-term relationships are not necessarily a death sentence for love and desire.

Stage Nine: Curiosity.

These phases of partnership are normal and common to everyone. Sexual excitement and passion are part of a conscious relationship, where a shared vision of connected, intimate partnership is part of the "work" of couple hood.

Stage Ten: Joy.

The best sex is erotic, joyful sex where partners connect in a conscious, direct way. The real "hey I know you!" feeling....This wonderful stage feels like "Hey I know you too - and I like finding out about what gives you pleasure!"

Monday, June 15, 2009

True Blood Night aka You Gotta Be Kiddin Me

The day was going so well. Went to the gym. Prepped myself to see True Blood. Sally Hall came over and we had prosecco and white wine. The premiere was uh-mazing. After it was over, we headed out to Diablo for social hour with the Diablitos.

Fast forward to like an hour later.

I hear someone say, "Call the police!" Apparently, there was a guy who was being strangled across the street. I immediately call the cops. I was on the phone with the cops when Buckle's GF was like, "Let's just go to the police station!" I hand the phone to Buckle and Buckle's GF and I run off. The cops show up and arrest someone. I go back into Diablo and ask Buckle for my phone. Now the ONLY people who were at Diablo were the regulars and the kitchen staff. Buckle says to me that he put my phone on the bar and now it's gone. It just so happens that the kitchen staff had left and where they were sitting was where my phone was placed.

Sally Hall and I head over to Boots which is where the guys went.

I ask them if they have seen my phone. One of them said no that he didn't have my phone and gave me his bag (rather quickly now that I think about it) to go through and check it. I said, "No, not necessary." I feel like a total dick for even asking. With that, I leave and go back to Diablo. Sally Hall stays there to "investigate" I guess.

All I know is that by now my mind is swirling. SWIRLING. I'm thinking about how I have a lot of important person account numbers, appointments that I had, possible job opportunities that I needed my phone for and lastly, pictures of me and Josh. UGH! Then also, how I going to pay for a new phone.

I'm thinking about all these things when one of the kitchen staff who we had went to see at Boots storms in. He's yelling at me to check his bag and I'm like "No, I've already been over this." People are trying to calm him down and he in the commotion, picks up a glass or a bottle, smashes it on the bar and attempts to shank someone. Everyone is like "SAY WHAAAAAT!?" It was nuts. They get him out of the bar. Izzy is called. Stu-Balls is called. Once again, the cops are called. They lock all the doors. But he comes back! Pounding on the glass doors to get back in.

Finally the cops show up and take him, I guess, to jail.

More madness ensues. I'm yelling at Buckle. Stu-Balls is yelling at me. I'm crying. I need to get the hell out.

I walk home in tears. Some guy comes up and grabs me (not like a rape grab). I think he was attempting to console me. Instead he freaked me out. I yell at him, "To get the fuck away from me. Leave me alone. I don't know you." I run away. He runs after me. I tell him to get the fuck away from me again and tell him I have a knife and I will cut him. I run away again with him in chase and this time I'm yelling, "Somebody help me! This guy is chasing me!" I run away and he's gone. I turn the corner down my street and some gay kids are trying to calm me down. The gays. Heart them!

I proceed to go into my apartment and freak the eff out. I mean really freaking out. The Crazy decided to visit.

I pass out. I wake up this morning and realize I have a back up phone. HA! I still feel like shit. I feel covered with a negative aura all around me. I hop in the shower and I start crying.

I talk to Josh and tell him what happens. We meet for coffee and the usual happens. I needed a little afternoon delight. It made me feel better.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Update

Ladies....

Pure hilarity was the weekend. As you are both aware, Friday was the 32nd birthday. I had a non-plan. Meaning there was no party planned, just one item on the agenda - FUN.

I woke up after celebrating with shots (Sally Hall, Buckle and Yaffa) at Diablo Royale. Slightly tipsy I went home. I woke up Friday morning feeling fabulous. I went to the gym for a bday workout. It was a great workout. Then I got ready for the gun range. I hadn't been in a year so I had to go through the lessons again. Yes, how to load a .22 rifle and aim and shoot. A total breeeeze.

I'm standing in there, in the booth, with my ear thingys on and the protective eye gear. I had the butt of the rifle against my shoulder and with my left eye squinted. I took off the safety and put my finger on the trigger and POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! I had hit the target dead on center. HOLLER!!! I kept going and kept hitting the target. Then finally my rounds were up. But it was my birthday and they gave me an extra free 50 bullets to shoot. Oh hell yeah! ha! I know have those targets hanging on my fridge.

After the gun range, Rattana and I parted ways. I called the Ex and chatted with him for a bit. Then I headed to Agave for quick cocktail. It was 3p and I didn't want to be wasted befor the evening even began. On the way home from Agave, I ran into the Ex. What a coincidence.

Came home and played video games (Silent Hill, Part 2) for a hour or two. Hopped in the shower and put on the brown dress. You know the one. It's a halter in the back, low cut in the front, see-through. Perfect for a birthday evening. I headed to Diablo Royale. Diablo Royale. Drank. Talked with Cassandra. Met up with Dirty Ed. Got a call from the Ex who was suppose to meet up with us later in the evening. He was letting me know that he would not be coming out since he had to work at 3:30a.

We know that I am a sucker for the hard, cock. I have no will power. Sooooo....I split from Diablo Royale and quick-footed it over to the Ex's place. I get there and ran into one of his neighbors. Who was like "I havent seen you in awhile." I tell her that the Ex and I had broken up and she asked, "Did y'all make up?" I tell her no and that it was my birthday. She tells me how pretty I look. It wasn't until later that I was told she was a lesbian and had spoken to the Ex about me. HA! I enter the apartment and have shot after shot after shot and yada yada yada...I'm back at Agave and hour later.

The night just kept going and going. Benny showed up, the roommate Tara and her fun friend Amber, Tina and her sis Deb, Rattana and Leone. The night was filled with drink and bar hopping and other illicit activies. We went to The Riviera, I Tre, Prof Thom's, Agave and Macao (ASAF was not working, total bummer). It was a blast. I had a little detour to KFC for some grilled chickens. Rattana and I went to my place and chatted for awhile. I went to bed at around 5 in the morning.

The next day (yesterday), I was hurting something fierce. Head was pounding and I just could not deal with life.

Today I wake up and got shit done. Laundry. Errands. Washed all the fucking dishes and wrote a txt to the roommies telling them that I am not their cleaning lady and also that I will NOT be doing this again.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Worry Worry Worry

Sitting here watching So You Think You Can Dance and I'm a Celebrity... and I have to say I am getting frustrated and not sure what to do. I feel like picking up and just moving already to Philly. I want to be gone already.
I went on that fourth interview today for the ad job. They aren't going to hire me with a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I've never been asked about my education so much during any interview.
I'm ready to start shit. I'm sick of waiting and I don't think I have ever been so utterly discouraged.

Sunday. Monday. Yesterday

I am over looking for jobs as a therapist. I am so over it! I know it's one of those things that I need to do...you know if I want to work. I feel like just picking up my shit and bouncing to Philly.
Let me catch you up.
I wasn't going to mention it but I feel like I'm hiding something if I don't say anything about it.
On Saturday, I called Josh. No response. I texted him later telling him that if we were done and then let me know so I can stop reaching out. UGH! I really don't want to go into these details. So I'll fast forward. We met for coffee and it was awkward at first. I wondered what I really wanted to get out of it. I knew in that moment that there was no more "us" and I didnt want there to be. I didnt feel anything for him besides friendship. Okay and sex. My point is that I no longer wanted to be with him. I felt it finally.
He told me that his old girlfriend from when he was like 15 wants to get back together with him. He also told me that may be moving (for work) to Vegas in September.
We parted ways and said we would get together for coffee again soon.
Sooner than I thought it would seem. I should probably mention it was during this time that EVERYONE keeps telling me that they've seen Josh. I'm just like "okay whatver. why are you telling me?" As if telling me they saw Josh, would cause me to break down in a hysterical rage. UNREAL!
Yeah, Monday.
Monday...no word from Cassan-V but she said she might not be around since she would be in London for a couple of days. I did speak to my college friend Jenny who lives in Amsterdam. I haven't physically spoken to her in like 12 years!!! She is contemplating leaving her husband because as she says, "He's an idiot." Back to the rest of the story.
I'm having lunch and drinks with Rattana and we start talking about boys and sex which gets me riled up. Before we start talking about boys and sex, she asked me to get her the name of the free therapy clinic on 5th Ave. I know about this place only because Josh told me about it so I text him to get the info. He and I start texting and Rattana and I continue drinking and my insides start getting horned out. I mean really horned out. The texting continued and the next thing I know I get a text from Josh that reads, "Are you coming over or what?"
I go. Of course. We go to watch the sunset on the Hudson. Then we're back to his place.
I didnt feel guilty or anything. We had amazing sex. We had some laughs. I got dressed and I went home.
Yesterday. Yet again everyone is telling me they saw Josh. Yet again, I respond with "Whatever. I saw him too." I texted him letting him know that everyone keeps telling me they've seen him. My irritation grows. So him last night next door at Gaetanna's. Nothing to it. That was Sunday. Monday. Yesterday.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Like Seriously

Thank goodness for the SKYPE.
It's been a what like a week of life without Cassan-V. What has happened in that time?
N
O
T
H
I
N
G
At least nothing interesting.
I'm sitting in my bed on a rainy day in NY, looking for jobs in Philly and wishing I had a bottle of vino. But alas there is no vino in this den of debauchery. I'm watching One Missed Called and not even the "good" Japanese version but the shittacular American version. Honestly, this movie is bad no matter what subtitles you put against it. I mean really....? So a ghost is going to seek revenge to people it doesn't even know through a freakin mobile phone?!

Sweet jeebus. I am going to have to make some adventures for myself aren't I. Too crappy tonight. Will start making fun happen tomorrow. First shul. Then Johnny's apt for some party. Finally...Macau? Will it finally be the time for Asaf and I? Besides the last hijinx that were had?

Now that would be worth writing about.

Ives

Making my "wife" proud...i actually jogged

So, I have a portable fm radio, my nan has a brand new i-pod. Of course, that makes perfect sense! I asked her, and she let me borrow it.

After waking up at 5, and rummaging through random things in the apartment I found a pair of running shoes...proper ones, they even have this fabric with tiny little holes, my feet breath.

Brewed an extra strong cup of coffee, searched for jobs; found 3 bars which I am going to check out later today.

I got the urge to run. I went for a jog along the river to the beach then along by the sea and back...listening to Barbra Streisand; show tunes. Don't rain on my parade! I actually jogged proper too, for 45 minutes...i felt good for those minutes.

I picked Sally up 2 english sea shells.

I ate a kiwi, received a weight comment.

This all before 9.30, A.M!

Oh good...now I have the whole day to miss you.

Smushy